Three Steps to Start Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

Three Steps to Start Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

Are you ready to start developing your emotional intelligence? Great, you are in the right place!

In this post, I will share with you briefly what emotional intelligence is and three steps to start developing your emotional intelligence.


What is Emotional Intelligence?

Originally John Mayer and Peter Salovey (1997) defined emotional intelligence as involving the abilities to –

  • monitor one’s own and other’s feelings,
  • discriminate among them, and
  • use this information to guide’s one thinking and action.

However, since 1997, Mayer and Salovey have redefined emotional intelligence as –

  • the ability to perceive emotions,
  • to access and generate emotions to assist thought,
  • to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and
  • to reflectively regulate emotions to promote emotional and intellectual growth (Mayer & Salovey, 1997).

Then in 2016, Mayer et al, further refined their definition as the four-branch model of emotional intelligence, with the four branches being –

  1. perceiving emotion,
  2. facilitating thought using emotion,
  3. underfunding emotions, and 
  4. managing emotions. 


Developing Emotional Intelligence

Now we are on the same page about emotional intelligence, let’s look at a 3-part process to start developing emotional intelligence. Six Seconds developed this three-part model in 1997, as a process to provide a practical and simple way to learn and practice emotional intelligence, A bit like an action plan for using emotional intelligence in daily life.

This model of EQ-in-Action begins with three important pursuits: to become more aware (noticing what you do), being more intentional (doing what you mean), and being more purposeful (doing it for a reason). Basically –

  • Know Yourself (K) – gives you the “what”. When you Know Yourself, you know your strengths and challenges, you know what you are doing, what you want, and what to change.
  • Choose Yourself (C) – provides the “how”. It shows you how to take action, how to influence yourself and others, how to “operationalise” these concepts.
  • Give Yourself (G) – delivers the “why”. When you Give Yourself, you are clear and full of energy so you stay focused why to respond a certain way, why to move in a new direction, and why others should come on board.

The basic model, “KCG” or “Know, Choose, Give” is simple and easy to begin putting Emotional Intelligence in to action. You can see the model is a CIRCLE and that is deliberate as it is a process (not a list). The process works when you spin it, like a propeller moving a ship. As you move through the “Know, Choose, Give” you gain positive momentum!


Three Steps to Start Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

Following is a short clip from Joshua Freedman one of the creators of Six Seconds. In the clip, Joshua elaborates on the above model.

Over to You…

Now you have read the 3 steps to start developing your emotional intelligence, what empowering choices are you going to make? Remember, it’s up to you as you are the Sovereign of your own life. If you would like to know more about the Emotional Intelligence Assessments, please click here (as I am a Certified 6 Seconds EQ Assessor).

If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heartwhy not join our Toolkit?


References –

Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (1997). What is emotional intelligence? In D. J. Sluyter (Ed.), Emotional development and emotional intelligence: Educational implications (pp. 3–34). New York, NY: Basic Books.

Mayer, J. D., Caruso, D. R., & Salovey, P. (2016). The ability model of emotional intelligence: Principles and updates. Emotion Review, 8, 1-11.
Ready to Reclaim Your Power and Sovereignty Over Your Own Life?

Ready to Reclaim Your Power and Sovereignty Over Your Own Life?

In the midst of all of the external chaos and pressures – the striving to do your best, the control, wearing masks of perfectionism and pleasing others – you have forgotten you are worthy.

You have forgotten you are Whole. Enough. Resilient. Loveable. Brave. Capable. Creative. Courageous and have needs.

Well that was my story anyway, until I decided to commit to myself, take time out to reflect and reclaim my own power and sovereignty over my life during the past few years.


What Does Reclaim Mean?

Reclaim has a couple of definitions, however when I use reclaim I refer to it as –


What is Power?

The word “power”comes from the Latin word “posse”, which means “be able”. There are many definitions of power, including –

  • “the ability or capacity to do something or act in a particular way,” or “the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behaviour of others or the course of events.” Google
  • “Ability to act or produce an effect.” Merriam-Webster Dictionary
  • “Capability of doing or accomplishing something.”
  • “The ability or capacity to do something or act in a particular way.” Oxford Dictionaries

After reading these definitions on power, what does it mean to you? I also refer to power as is “power-with” not “power-over”.

Need some further clarification? Maybe the following 5 quotes can help…


5 Quotes on Power and Empowerment

The following 10 quotes relate to power and empowering yourself –

  1. “Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.” ~ Tao Te Ching
  2. “Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.” ~ Seneca
  3. “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” ~ Alice Walker
  4. “Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself.” ~ Elie Weisel
  5. “You see what power is, holding someone else’s fear in your hand and showing it to them.” ~ Amy Tan

Now we are on the same page about reclaiming and power, let’s discuss sovereignty!


What is a Sovereign?

A Sovereign is –


What is Sovereignty?

There are many definitions of Sovereignty, including –


5 Quotes on Sovereignty

  • Sovereignty is the supreme power to self govern and it is the core of a life lived well~ Christina Pratt
  • “Sovereignty is not given, it is taken.” ~ Mustafa Kemal Atatürk
  • “Sovereignty unconditionally belongs neither to the people of the nation nor to some supernatural power but to the human mind, to the science and to the high ethical values!” ~ Mehmet Murat ildan
  • “If you truly want to be respected by people you love, you must prove to them that you can survive without them.” ~ Michael Bassey Johnson
  • “The sovereignty of one’s self over one’s self is called Liberty.” ~ Albert Pike

What does sovereignty mean to you?


Ready to Reclaim Your Power and Sovereignty Over Your Own Life?

Ready to reclaim and reconnect to your power and BE the sovereign of your own life? BE the sovereign of your life and focus on your –

  • Personal Growth by connecting with your thoughts, feelings and actions you are making from moment to moment.
  • Self-Management by knowing where responsibility begins and where it ends, clarifying your needs in a relationship and allowing people to see responsibility for themselves and to others.
  • Career / Business by encompassing by embracing what you love, what you are good at, what the world needs and what people will pay you for.
  • Money and Finances by knowing where you are on the continuum between enoughness and scarcity. Remembering that an enoughness mentality is grateful, whilst a scarcity mentality is ungrateful, an enoughness mentality knows there is enough for everyone and a scarcity mentality doesn’t think there is enough and an enoughness mentality is focused on trust and a scarcity mentality is focused on fear.
  • Giving / Contribution and Community by recognising how you are really giving and contributing to your community and then making any adjustments that you desire.
  • Intimate Relationship by knowing who you are and being true to your own personality and character and how you see yourself in relation to self-compassion and making any tweaks as required. For example – what do you say to yourself when you make a mistake? Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends? Or do you find you are a little critical towards yourself?
  • Health, Body and Movement by being grateful and respectful towards your body. Every day your body completes so many functions for you, however how much do you truly connect with it and appreciate it? How much do you respect your body?
  • Living Space / Physical Environment by having a clear and de-cluttered environment – yes your home, workspace and car. How long does it take to find things? What does a clear and de-cluttered space mean to you?
  • Confidence / Emotional Awareness by moving from self-doubt to genuine self-confidence and being aware of your emotional needs. How confident and emotionally awareness are you with the steps you are taking in your life?
  • Family / Friends by being real and authentic in your relationships. Are your relationships based on trust, respect, love and kindness?
  • Leisure / Fun by doing what you love so much that the words failure and success essentially become irrelevant. How fierce is your trust in that love? Ready to take action towards it?
  • Travel / Holidays when was the last time you had a holiday?


If this sounds like something you are interested in, why not join us in Whole-Hearted Connection? Each day we move from knowing these things are important to taking action and BEing more of them.


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves – Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking, so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are born to manifest the glory that is within us. It is not within some of us, it is in everyone.
And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”.
Marianne Williamson.
I Wish I Had the Courage to…

I Wish I Had the Courage to…

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the silent voice at the end of the day that says ‘I will try again tomorrow.”

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

I was talking to a friend yesterday and they said I wish I had the courage you have Jane. Well let me share a little secret, I still have fear and doubt in my world! Yes, seriously…

However, today I have a different relationship with fear than what I had in the past. Today, I accept and allow fear to be present in my life instead of resisting it and pretending it is not there. I also remember what I learnt in the book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing that was written by Bronnie Ware.


What Are the Five Regrets of the Dying?

The top five regrets from the book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware were –

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me;
  2. I wish I didn’t work so hard;
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings;
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends; and
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.


I Wish I Had the Courage to…

After reading the book, I realised I needed courage to be responsible for my life and do what I wanted to do in my life, so I could live a wholehearted life. What do you wish you had the courage to do?

Maybe you wish you had the courage to –

1. Give yourself permission to love what you do –

Yes YOU! “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~ Howard Thurman

2. Keep your promises –

Follow-through on what you say you are going to do and only promise on things that align with your values and who you are.

3. Be 100% responsible for your life –

Truly! Be responsible for everything that is happening in your life – if you do not like what is happening – remember you have a choice.

4. Ask for help –

Remember, none of us can do life independently, so if you require some help and extra support, why not ask for it?

5 . Not take things personally –

As Wayne Dyer says ~ “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

6. Be grateful –

Truly acknowledge and appreciate the different situations in your life. I have found many diamonds in my rough times over the years. What have you found?

7. Be the change –

“Be a reflection of what you’d like to see in others! If you want love, give love, if you want honesty, give honesty, if you want respect, give respect. You get in return, what you give!” ~ Unknown

8. Let go –

Yes, I know letting go or letting be can be challenging, however “In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” ~ Deepak Chopra

9. Be vulnerable –

“There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.” ~ M. Scott Peck

10. Be honest with yourself –

If you cannot be honest with yourself, then who can you be honest with?

11. Aim for progress, not perfection –

Let go of perfectionism and have the courage to be imperfect.

12. Focus on what you can control –

We cannot control other people, so focus on what you can control – which is how you are feeling in this moment!

13. Practice self-care –

Yes you have needs (e.g. financial, social, physical, environmental and emotional) and they need looking after, so focus on them.


The Courage Wall

Whilst researching for this article, I found that Nancy Belmont created a giant “Courage Wall” in Alexandria, Va. What a great idea! Nancy said she was inspired by the following Ted Talk by Candy Chang and you can read more about her story here.



What insights did you receive after watching the video or reading the above words? Is there an action you wish you had the courage to do, so you can take the next step towards living a wholehearted life?

Feel free to share your responses below in the comments section.

Remember –

“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you are ready to take yourself on the adventure of getting to know yourself (your true self), why not join the Toolkit? A place where I share tools, inspiration and ideas to live a courageous and wholehearted life.


Send this to a friend